Was listening to Ryan Cabrera - Fall baby fall. Should not listen to this but my mind insist on listening. 

Is been awhile i walked under the rain, remember the last time i walked alone under the rain when i was feeling down for no reason is when i was in Secondary 2...

I walked and walked and walked.. my mood seriously is bad. I tried to find the reason but i cant find it. The song make me even more sad.

Reached school just on time. The others is not coming for lesson, only left me and Melodie. She suddenly talked bout her being drunk on friday during her class bbq. She keep on blabbering on stuffs and that she even confess on things that her parents did to her when she was in Primary school.  Her parents later found out what happen and later on apologise to her. cool huh ? at that time my mood was better after listening to her story.

End lesson at 8. It is still raining. I was then walking under the rain again. This  time, more sad then ever. I have never felt this before in my life, i feel like some homeless guy walking aimlessly. My mind started thinking alot of stuff, past , present and future. 

Remembering that when i was in Primary school how my tuition teacher treated me , caning me like nobody business. I will have marks everyday . Tuition everyday like crazy. Before, i started tuition, my mum told me that i had to listen to the tuition teacher no matter what, and if she cane u is ok . So i gladly listen to my mum , but the tuition teacher cane my arms and legs which is seriously pain for me as a kid. It lasted till i was in pri 6, My maid cannot take it on the punishment i had and told my mum. My mum of course sack the teacher but still she even like say to me.. Why you nvr tell me earlier? .. Me being innocent , said nth of course, Do not want to argue back with her.. but of course it had a impart on me. From then on i hated tuition . and even when my mum or dad just talk loudly to me. i somehow feel sad. Of course, the fear is over since is a long time ago.

And then comes to secondary school, alot of times when i had a small setback such as doing wrong things and got scolded by parents and i be depress . Or even when i tried my very best and i got a negative result. I seriously become negative .

Even now, i somehow feel that i disappoint my dad everytime, i dunno why. This has been stuck in my mind since last week. I just somehow feel that me, as a son , not done enough to make him proud and the next thing is my own life, what am i going to do in the future? what if i cant make a head start in everything and instead, making not only me but my whole family suffer? What if i cant have a nice family like now? 

Of course, there is still alot of things.. but i wont say it out.. 

This has been occuring in my mind for the past 20 mins while walking towards MRT to go back home...  All of this make me sad and stress.. maybe i just too weak to handle ? or maybe i not strong enough to handle what's coming for me ? 

When i reached home, i went for a shower.. i went on to think again. 

It makes me think that ya? so what if i cant handle .. i must learn to be fearless. Not because of a little small setback and i stop doing it. I must be positive no matter what. 

Shawn. be positive =)

Was listening to Ryan Cabrera - Fall baby fall. Should not listen to this but my mind insist on listening. 

Is been awhile i walked under the rain, remember the last time i walked alone under the rain when i was feeling down for no reason is when i was in Secondary 2...

I walked and walked and walked.. my mood seriously is bad. I tried to find the reason but i cant find it. The song make me even more sad.

Reached school just on time. The others is not coming for lesson, only left me and Melodie. She suddenly talked bout her being drunk on friday during her class bbq. She keep on blabbering on stuffs and that she even confess on things that her parents did to her when she was in Primary school.  Her parents later found out what happen and later on apologise to her. cool huh ? at that time my mood was better after listening to her story.

End lesson at 8. It is still raining. I was then walking under the rain again. This  time, more sad then ever. I have never felt this before in my life, i feel like some homeless guy walking aimlessly. My mind started thinking alot of stuff, past , present and future. 

Remembering that when i was in Primary school how my tuition teacher treated me , caning me like nobody business. I will have marks everyday . Tuition everyday like crazy. Before, i started tuition, my mum told me that i had to listen to the tuition teacher no matter what, and if she cane u is ok . So i gladly listen to my mum , but the tuition teacher cane my arms and legs which is seriously pain for me as a kid. It lasted till i was in pri 6, My maid cannot take it on the punishment i had and told my mum. My mum of course sack the teacher but still she even like say to me.. Why you nvr tell me earlier? .. Me being innocent , said nth of course, Do not want to argue back with her.. but of course it had a impart on me. From then on i hated tuition . and even when my mum or dad just talk loudly to me. i somehow feel sad. Of course, the fear is over since is a long time ago.

And then comes to secondary school, alot of times when i had a small setback such as doing wrong things and got scolded by parents and i be depress . Or even when i tried my very best and i got a negative result. I seriously become negative .

Even now, i somehow feel that i disappoint my dad everytime, i dunno why. This has been stuck in my mind since last week. I just somehow feel that me, as a son , not done enough to make him proud and the next thing is my own life, what am i going to do in the future? what if i cant make a head start in everything and instead, making not only me but my whole family suffer? What if i cant have a nice family like now? 

Of course, there is still alot of things.. but i wont say it out.. 

This has been occuring in my mind for the past 20 mins while walking towards MRT to go back home...  All of this make me sad and stress.. maybe i just too weak to handle ? or maybe i not strong enough to handle what's coming for me ? 

When i reached home, i went for a shower.. i went on to think again. 

It makes me think that ya? so what if i cant handle .. i must learn to be fearless. Not because of a little small setback and i stop doing it. I must be positive no matter what. 

Shawn. be positive =)